P. U. L. S. E.

“Recovery is a commitment to reality at all costs.” -M. Scott Peck

In my addiction, my goal has always been to not feel, to forget, to disassociate from what is happening here and now. To numb out and ignore reality. It’s how I learned to survive a painful dysfunctional family. However, once I entered recovery, I quickly realized that I couldn’t live in this place anymore. I had to start waking up. So, I created P.U.L.S.E. This is an awareness tool that is designed to help me track, process, and stay present in the reality of key areas of my life.

Physical:

We must begin to gain awareness of reality with the most obvious area, our bodies. The book, The Body Keeps the Score,phrases the question beautifully. “How can you know what you enjoy, need, or want if you don’t understand how you feel on the most basic level?” So, close your eyes, focus on your breathing as you take 10 slow deep breaths, then begin scanning your body from the top of your head down to your toes. Look for areas of tension or pain. Write down what you discover.

• What am I feeling in my body? Why?

Unions:

It’s human nature to focus more on each other’s faults instead of taking an honest personal inventory and looking within. It is even more common for people who have endured lots of trauma to ignore warning signs in relationships. But we have to acknowledge what’s actually going on before we can do anything about it. Charles Kettering is quoted saying, “A problem well-stated is a problem half-solved." In addiction we blame and control others. But the truth is that we can only control ourselves. These questions are designed to help you identify the reality of your significant relationships and your contribution to them. With this information you are now better equipped to do something about your part.  Write your answers to these questions.

• How would I describe the condition of this relationship?

• What is my contribution to this reality?

Lessons:

Growing up I felt like everything I got involved in got messed up in some way. I can hear my dad’s voice echoing in my mind, “Charlie’s screwing things up because he has problems.” This is how I would frame any mistake I would make. “I make mistakes because I am a mistake.” This is the voice of shame! So let’s reframe this lie with truth. Jack Canfield phrases it wonderfully.“There are no mistakes, only lessons and lessons are repeated until learned.” Viewing our mistakes as lessons to be learnedgives us agency to choose differently. Write down your answers to these questions.

• What lessons have I learned today?

• What can I do differently?

Struggles:

Arnold Schwarzenegger once said in an interview that people accept that they have to push their muscles to failure to increase strength and mass, yet they don’t understand that in order to increase emotional or mental strength requires the same thing. Addicts hate doing hard things. But as bible commentator Ellen White put it, “God brings his people over the same ground again and again, increasing the pressure… until their character is transformed”. Embrace the struggles. You are being transformed through them. Journal these out.

• What was a challenging situation I faced?

• How did I respond or react to it?

Emotions:

“How do you feel? Fine. How else do you feel? Good. Are you feeling anything else? Uh, hungry?” This was a common conversation that would take place in my addiction. Growing up, emotions, especially strong ones, were unwelcome and often punished. You’ve probably heard the saying, “You have to feel to heal.” Why? David Hanscom MD from Psychology Today says that it would be intolerable for us to be exposed to all of our unpleasant emotions at once. Instead, there is a process called “pendulation.” The idea is that we voluntarily expose ourselves to a level of uncomfortable emotions that we can handle, then pull back and reengage in life. Acknowledging and allowing yourself to feel emotions is an essential piece in rewiring our brains from unwanted behaviors. The more we practice, the better we get at it. And eventually this process because automatic. So, in closing, journal these questions.

• What am I feeling today? Why?

• Are there any feelings associated with your previous answers?

I hope that you find this tool helpful in your recovery journey. “But He knows the way I take; When He has put me to the test, I will come out as gold.” Job 23:10

Physical

What am I feeling in my body?

Why?

Unions

How would I describe the condition of this relationship?

What is my contribution to this reality?

Lessons

What lessons have I learned today?

What can I do differently?

Struggles

What was a challenging situation I faced?

How did I respond or react to it?

Emotions

What am I feeling today?

Why?

Are there any feelings associated with your previous answers?